Weight Upon The Eyes.

I tend to return. And at such an hour, I'm unsure of the effects that will take place on my body later towards the day, what's with work to think about.

"Hurriedly, profoundly, you found me.
Moments of shallow, murky swims,
Together, a discovery had been made,
I fell in love in an instance.


Hurriedly, unusually, you gained my trust.
Moments of creation of moments,
Together, expectations increased unsaid,
I felt the joy, truly.


Hurriedly, subtly, you disappeared.
Moments of great hopes, fly-by-fly joy,
Together, something shattered,
I fell, in an instance."

Always, I have to take the bumpy routes to learn the lessons of my life. The lessons being taught mostly along the terms; insecurity, confidence, and expectations. A refresher was made for me to attend, and passed  I sure did. Happy, I am that it wasn't too emotional or chaotic of a journey that was made (tending my past history), a sigh of relief. Yet, I can't help but fall in torturous joy each time I'm given a proposition of sweet poison (go figure a word replacement, a shy cover!). An understanding that life has brought us out into the open as individuals and to it we shall return, as we were brought forth. A journey we can share but obvious bold lines be there to the amounts we cannot incorporate. I humble myself, yet a slave too have hopes and dreams.

The Year.

Haven't had anything written in months, so I'm back just to say hello to an old friend I thought I'd never have to meet again. It's amazing how it feels when a revelation occurs in your mind, towards yourself, in an understanding that would help make a decision that can change things (you truly hope would be) for the better. I have been in this job for a year now and it seems to me that many things have come about since then. One would be to an idea on how to prioritize my appreciations, and gratitude to matters most valued of. I have seen the world yet nobody has ever asked me which world I like seeing most. To which the definition according to my mind may be different to what world means than to places I've been to. I for one, enjoy in absolute right now being with the people I love most. The world may contain beauty, but beauty lies most in the heart, and through the eyes it expresses. Everything lived for, and worth living for could only be summarized in one word and that is; love. This must have been written and said a million times but we must not be ignorant to the things written and said a million times for there is definitely a reason for its continuous occurrence. Love is the greens of grass, the blue of skies, the hunger, the pain, the joy, the longing, the desperation, the thoughts, the religion, family, God, everything... To put love first is to put everything in its utmost being and importance. To not lack the acceptance it deserves, and to proclaim its value, and its life. I am clueless to these words myself but I must learn from it for it lives within me. A horse rides freely with the wind, it stomps with confidence, embracing her divinity in subject to nature. Yet she lives in her mind, realizing fear from notions unnatural. Should she run, or should she cautiously approach, should she? Yet freedom she owns with might, and we shall never know her mind. I want to gallop with speed, and enjoy the remarkable feel of wind racing through me, caressing my naked body; free from the sins of the world. And just as an orgasm takes place at the final 'feel', so shall I spread my wings at that final moment, and cause a raise unimaginable beyond words of greater heights, and in heaven I shall spend my peace. Let this be, let this be. The love for feelings, and emotions. The devotion put forth upon whoever stood fore. Let this be.

Ohm, Pt. 2.

Nothing I do now feels worth. The value of my previous post is an emotional sell-out. The need to write to express in order to obtain a clear and sound mind. To rid of emotions before the mind can be silenced. The mind has silenced. But the heart quivers for an unknown cause. I ask myself, "WHY?" But the answer is shortcoming. "You know." I wish to lay down in warmth, with sand (white), with arms, with smiles, in nude. The ecstasy of an idea, the reality through imagination. I take myself on a joy-ride in Fantasy Land. I close my eyes and start my own existence in my mind. I play God ("Forgive me if I had trespassed.") 

Ohm.

Birds tweeter, chirp, flirt.
Highway covered, in a blanket of agony and dirt.
The room sense its presence, in all its silence.
Wonder, why don't they know.
An answer before its point.

For long, far length, impossible distance;
A coincidence. Chanced.
In a trance, living in false impressions;
Routine, "... it ceases existence in control."
False.

Truth, impact of the obvious.
Skill to see, see for a kill.
To live, a birth of Utopian pride.
To lie, a pride of Utopian's birth.

Believing in less speech,
Living by surviving,
Surviving by loving,
Loving by believing.
All in silence.
The key.

To Speak Of,

... non pleasant feelings and situations are always easier than the good ones because usually they're the ones at the top of our minds, nagging and chewing that part of the brain (and heart) just to cause an ache. I shall try, to speak of certain good things, to experiment if it does bring a change to my current aura. So my housemate left for home for his three week annual leave and to waste no time, I cleaned my house to satisfactory levels (having high standards). Before leaving the house and forgetting completely the sense of this post till a week later, now.

Hence, I shall carry this post on with the help of a new pressing against my emotional body. I will run, jump, and fly to wherever and however far this desire shall carry me. I have enough passion for sacrificial requests to be asked. That's perhaps why I view the world differently, minority-ly. I have much to give and fear people might take me all away. I enjoy my shell. Hidden from the world, and how good it feels being so far away whereas the opening is probably just finger-wide. I cannot prevent interventions but I can dodge the fingers of men cunningly side-stepping their heads with fury and vengeance. A walking reflection of the moon, he saw straight in me and had capture my secrets, with fortune of luck on my behalf, he doesn't know its interpretations. With eyes grounded low in humility, I see right up intentions. I desire to be placed in comfort and protection with virginal motives. You handed me a bag of hope, love, and fucked-up passion tied in the creases of its opening. "Take it back!" I screamed. My words were unclear and you begged my pardon. Silence and allowance I answered, shaming in defeat of my lack of will. I must win this race. The finish line has the picture of you holding my bag; of purpose, and dramatic conclusions. Cheers to that!

And A Continuum.

Immediately. My words are shorter now because my heart is too. Accept me, wickedly I shall follow. I shall pour entirely all blood, leaving no drops for life, for shattered, angered, and I shall despair. I threw a boomerang, after the throw, I tied my hands. In same, I caused my karma. Who, what must I expect. I leave it unfilled. Death. In the grounds of little children, I'm watched. YOU threw me into this game.

Sorrow, Shortened Joy.

An illusion it was. Bright, brilliant, blinked.
There can't be less, for more is reserved.
A shivered followed touch, a need.
A must. A follow of desire. Pursuit,
persuade.