Procrastination.

Dammit! Curses to the internet for its wonders and beauty that one can't help but to just linger on its spaces. I have much to do yet have been procrastinating roaming on sites of the web. I know that as time passes by, I regret more because not only that my work remains undone, the stress piles up like whatever you can imagine being piled up. I so very much enjoyed the time when the internet at home had a down time. I could not use it for about two weeks and I can remember that that very two weeks had been very productive. I read several books and could do many things that I usually don't do because of spending too much time checking stupid notifications. Maybe it is time again that I shut down all my accounts so as to allow me to prevent myself from wasting too much time. It is a waste of time! I don't see the importance of 'getting connected' virtually because most go about minding their own vain businesses to not care about others. There is no connection in the first place except the filling of that lonely void in the heart that requires a notification to engage specialty. What have this generation become to depend so solely on being together but yet, never really together in heart. The fake fair disgusts me but I can't help but be a part of it. It has become a lifestyle. Probably to evolve into something much more less meaningful in the future. Now I regret wasting time here for I have loads to do. Ta!

Sayings.

Don't know where to start but I'll try, so here goes:

Work is fun. People are tolerable, well most of them at least. Most are nice, a tiny bit not. Have got a lot to do to prepare myself to take the huge forward step. Besides, all is good. The different bits of hidden characteristics are slowly coming out, so it is getting easy to identify the whats and the not.

100% agreeing with the saying 'respect is earned'. Some people are wondering why I treat them so bad yet I  remain silent. Nobody should expect cherries and kisses when they serve shit as a host. I feel sorry for these people for I also agree with the saying 'bitterness in the heart is shown on the face'. I walk around and I stare at them, waiting. They can smile, yes they can, but in splits of moments, you get to see their real faces which most of times resemble a face with a rotten fish by its nose. They should very much understand that not one action done, is without a consequence, and the consequence is to be faced, make it good or bad.

Shalini shared me a lesson that was taught during her school's Christian Fellowship meeting. I found it to be such a blessed revelation of how speaking in tongues can be very powerful as one concentrates upon the promises and the word of God. I am even grateful that I have seen its power in my life. Hallelujah, thank God!

Another agreeable saying is that 'one should not be living neither in the past nor future, for now is here.' We get nothing worrying about the future and living the past's regrets. Today's problem is to be dealt with with today's mind and not the mind of yesterday and tomorrow. When one concentrates on time, acknowledging the present, one's living would be very much fulfilling and pleasurable for even difficulties come taste sweet.

Need to do more reading and sightseeing. Ta!

Beliefs?

So the things which exist in this world supposedly said to have a role in one's life. How and why? Science has its limits but I wonder on the existence beyond the limits. Everything else which is unheard, unseen, and impossible to prove but can be recorded and observed in a pattern like structure. It amazes me of its accuracy but nonetheless, the gap of doubt is at large. Can this impossible wisdom be mastered and be applied to make living easy?

One Thousand Words.

A specific person comes to mind. How annoying he can be, and how much fascinated hatred I have against him. Disrespecting privacies doing as he please all in the wrong name. I hate people as such. Thinking they have the upper hand of doing all they wish because they believe it to be right. Because of people as such, I can dare say that the primary objective of their thought-to-be-good doings had turned around. I, as an example, am a case of being turned around and as I am finding myself heading down to where I came from, my contempt for them grows. Public display of a captured personal moment is a hard sin one commits to another. First up, when such a moment occurs, the victim is never always aware of such a capture else it will not occur in the first place for the victim will be against it. Damnation! I feel so angry for I am being let down, being strayed away because of simply a few stubborn headed fucks. Truth be told, that probably could be the main reason yet it could not be too. I curse the fact the younger generations are being brought up thinking the action to be fine. Well, I can only smile and sidestep their lives.

Damn!

The only word I seem to be repeating over and over again.

First of all, the drama is intense! Even if it is not about me, I get scared even thinking about the possibilities that can arise to include me. So thick the stench of hatred and revenge that my nose itches at the thought of it. What could have been the cause? Most importantly, whose fault is it? I don't know really as I have not heard the complete story from both sides. However, the thought that I could be dragged in this somewhat eternal warfare scares me. Whose side should I take? I certainly can't apply neutrality if ever I am to be in the battle. I don't know what to do. My heart goes out for both parties but still myself remains unaware of the proper approach to be taken. As far as I have learned, being myself and to keep it up at it will be the best justification in time to come to reason out my faults. I ache to know that one side is to be punished in what I see to be brutality to the soul, and I ache to understand the feeling the other side has. Gosh is this difficult! I wish I could be standing in the circle instead of on its edges so that I can study the full consequence of the matter and to pinch the experience along. God I pray I will not be involved or chances are, I will have to start digging my grave. However, I will not regret the actions I had taken though they may be wrong. Life is only one time, fuck and embrace the mistakes made.

What is there to be said? I thought I knew me but I guess I really don't. Since the start of work, I am beginning to lose the work I had placed much effort in these past few months. The work of getting to know myself better. As just as I was about diving into the depths of me, the drainage of energy that work takes out of me is tremendous and I had to resurface. My mind is unable to wander for now. When one tries uncovering oneself, one must face thoughts of all sorts, including those which can lead to depression. I hope that my effort  will not be in vain but at least save me the least bit of knowledge. I shamed myself in the trial I failed to converse today. What have become of me, and what is to become?

Damn. Should standards be raised and skin be thicken? I feel so because that appears to ensure happiness in my state.

My Unreality.

Not here today but over at Misery's. A bit too personal? 

In Between.

I had a full day today. Was tired through most of what I did but I pushed it through wanting to make the best out of it. I wish everyday would be as such. To have enjoyed and to have lived life was what I did today, which also happens to be my motto of living: to live life as it is. Purpose is nice, but can be ignored if everyday were to be meaningful. As I see myself now, the people I am connected with, the life I have been leading, knowing I had touched and have been touched in return; it is all too beautiful. Right now, before the screen, I am feeling contentment, a whole contentment on every bit of my life. It came by as I realized that I could do without my desires, I could do without perfections, I could do with hurt, and I could do with life. I accepted life and it rewarded my acceptance with this joy. How long this feeling would last, I do not know and I couldn't care less because I am glad to have even experienced it. To top it all off, the revelation is something practical that can be reachieved. Am tired and shall call it a day... a good day! Time says 10:48PM. Ta!