Another Icicle.

Hardly one shall be missed or understood in this whole ordeal. This is the withdrawal. The drain after the shower. The release after the capture. The giving after a taking. In the absence of an awareness as when one lives in the moment, I have left my heart unguarded. Filled with passion and love for that temporal time, I beget nothing now that all is done. Everything else shall be left unsaid. There's only so much can one give to others. Let not then I be the fool, the subject of ridicule to my own carelessness. But is this the path worth taking? Because it made me feel alive. It made me feel wanted, desired, it filled my heart with hopes. It felt so good to be loved. Especially when one loves back to perfection. What a tease life had done unto me. I thanked with such sincere gratitude not knowing the feelings I would achingly feel in this horrendous aftermath. I still have my pride of which that matters. Nevertheless, what use is of my pride now but a reminder to regrets of all that I could have achieve but which I didn't. O the sorrow. So much pleasure, so much pain.

Can The Mind Swim?

There's a hole. I fell into it. I think I might be in here for some time. Waiting to be rescued. However, no one can stay in this hole for long, because eventually everything dies. Everything rots. All shall return to the earth.

There's a spell. It upsets my mind. It made me believe I was in a hole. I still do believe. I do not know who had done it to me. Everything is in slow motion. Breathing feels a challenge I must race. I want out.

There's the world. All shall suffer. All waiting for a rescue. All in a race, challenging themselves to compete. All shall eventually die, and rot, and return to the very ground they were raised to life from. All in all, without a reason.

Down, down, down,

The Hole I fall.

Round, round, round,

My head goes in confusion.

All, all, all,

Without a reason.

"Then shall he quickly hop into the showers of knowing, and beget himself all his desires.

What shall the point be, he wondered. All shall be mine, as mine shall be all forever no more.

Slowly, he ceases to exist. His reality chucked aside, as imagination governs the new world.

In time, only body roams the earth. Mind drowned in an everlasting hole of make-beliefs."

Let me out.

Posing An Answer.

Diseases, he brought with along the many unseen particles, including doubt. As doubt stumbled into the spacious room of one's own, fear was carelessly spread, how when a bucket is emptied of its content across the porch, not meant for just one spot of dirt, but the entire to be cleaned. Fear does the opposite, it messes. Every person who comes into his world, would be uncertain of his intentions, and his credibility of being able to trust. Thus as with all others, not knowing him, the circumstance of not knowing enough, causes that very well known fear. He isn't to be blamed, no one is matter in fact. For fingers to be pointed at the people who raised him would be inaccurate, although not entirely wrong. The agreement should be based on both nature, and nurture, not against these two factors.

There is no subtlety. Just a rush to dispose all that is known. It is inaccurate, although not entirely wrong.

I. What do I want? I. Who do I want to be? I. How do I perceive myself in the very best way?

An Expression, Merely.

Where have you been?

Why do you ask?

Because comfort was mine from your absence.

Thus, the answer.

I do not understand why.

Because you live.

You really must, don't you?

The wind has not a character, I have not, my will.

As such a circle life is, that everything in it must play a role, and that role is set to a rhythm.

As clockwise, shape conscious.

Precisely.

But if I accept you, love you... peace be with me.

But?

A restless bargain for with peace, comes the perfect sight, losing judgement, accepting all.

There isn't much fun in that. What's life without the fear of Death? Courage in abundance, wrecking all, experiencing all, greedy with joy, and generous with envy.

All or nothing. Anything else comes regret, and confusion on the discussion of 'balance'.

Meskipun wajahMu dicari, namun tetap cuma yang telah meninggal akan dipenuhi jawapan buat segalanya, kerana mereka akhirnya bersamaMu.

Isn't it strange how a choice determines everything.

It is no stranger then the idea to keep one's mind. 

A Light.

Center point is focused on, clearing the clatters of the mind. Composing a new system altogether in the cores of all thoughts. Ridding the chaos, the calamities of the uncontrolled mind, the lack of progress. Such a life that we need absolute joy, bidding so much pain goodbye. Refusal is key. Refusal of decisions that brings harm, choices that clashes with inner peace, influence of emotions, they shall all be refused. Accept the good traits of one's own, polish them, make them able to reflect the brilliance of light from the Almighty. In such a dark world, many shall come to light should they desire goodness and truth, and beings becoming beacons of affection and justice shall rule the corrupt. 

Quite Truthful.

Repeatedly my mistakes are made, with little conscious effort of seeing them not as they are. A deliberate attempt of stupid to overcome what I suspect is depression, of course to no avid. Why are times the same? With certainty, the absent of change. Easy it is to be complacent, but to choose the strive for growth (in all aspects), is by far, a part definition of living, and thus the very most challenging process. The view of the future merely is a goal, most of which cannot be achieved overnight. What can though, is the believe that the smallest steps can move the greatest mountains, with the blessings of Time, and Life.

I judge, and have been judged. For all have different ideas on rights and wrongs, whether fashion or decision. I have been, yet again, am at a point of a crossroad. My choice is simply determined by my feelings. Everybody wants that better feeling in life, or they should want for those otherwise. Will it be the better choice, now that shall be considered if regret appears.

If, and regret. If is half real, and regret is dreaded.

Reality here seems wish-wash, imaginations real.

Left Back On Intentions.

How can one person be so ungrateful to all that has ever been said or done for? I have been nothing but nice. I am always the person with the most humility, and no care for material possessions. I have offered the most I can. Yet be treated back with such little appreciation, in fact complete isolation. I am angry, and upset to be treated this way. I wish everything for the very best to happen but probably been gossiped back in return with false accusations. I pray karma satisfy my vengeance.