When Words Fail.

I am filled with all sorts of feelings right now. The birds in the sky swoop down low midday to take worms off the earth. They chew and bite and spit on these worms for their pleasure's sake. I honestly do not know who I am anymore. I do not know what I want or where I would want to go in the future. Life is pretty much a big blur right now. Maybe two squirrels isn't enough for a single nut to share. Perhaps 3. Words are failing me. As I stood behind the green curtains waiting for them to be done with their work, I got anxious imagining what I would find. But it wasn't bad, it was horrifying. He gasped for air like a fish forced out from the water. He had blood on his arms and two clamps on two legs. A mask misfitted on his face, providing the assistance of breaths. I am speechless. I felt tears welling up my eyes, and tear marbles up my throat. I hate such environment. I cannot stand being in the midst of everyones' sorrow. Wrongly said. I can stand being in the midst of everyones' sorrow but not while I have my own. Because it gets overwhelming as I feed on the negative energy of the surrounding. It really gets me depressed quickly with unwelcome thoughts and ideas. Physically, I'm out of breath. Mentally, I'm stable. Emotionally, it's chaotic. I admit that alcohol does provide me with amazing senses of relief and that I long for it time after time. It's time to give it a rest and just be with myself again; the best person to be with in the world.