The thoughts in my head goes on, and on, like a broken record so to speak. Just as I am about to pen them down, another thought comes to mind; have you ever wondered what another person's thoughts are, the style and the sound of its words? Everybody pronounces words differently and the structures of sentences/ thoughts differs from each individual. Language for instance, is just the basis, but beyond that is purely personality. Before I lose myself, allow me back to my initial start of a to-be rant. I wish I knew what the future holds, in precise detail. I am the sort, the current sort, who moves about in life mainly fueled by emotions. I search for the Happy & Joy in each second of living, and I action my plans out. I do this on a make believe stage, in pretense Death shall fall in a similar fashion of Gaston Leroux's chandelier to take me to the unknown. However, a change has come in me. My initial fuel of emotions is now polluted with rationales and with that comes worry. My make believe stage has been invaded by a director who wishes to remove the scene I had prepared for Death. This new thought; having done many unreasonable actions thinking life would end at any corner, what if life does not end but carry on, long-term? For that then, would leave much memories, experience and of course, regret. Perhaps hardship too. Is it worth the gamble? The serious tones of these statements are in conflict in my head, and it's torturous having to deal with them. Here comes more. It has been there all my life, resourcing it's energy from different unique and particular individuals, it is however now becoming a harmful bug to my grey matter. This role belongs to Influence. I try my best to embrace the influence of others based on my selection. The problem comes when all that I have absorbed starts fighting against each other to gain the larger hold of my being, which then makes me question, of my actual self being non-existent. It is a dangerous ground to play in but my thirst for perfection in the eyes of others remains at large. I shall end here.
