I feel awkward at times of how things turn out to be. I wonder whether there is such a thing as complete control of one's self. There are moments of situations where we join the current of society and get carried away doing what others do, following and perhaps adding on to their actions. I humiliate myself at most times of such encounters. Perhaps the genesis of self control lies in the mind. What one regrets, is basely an act that one didn't think through clearly. Having said that, I now realize that I haven't been thinking my actions thoroughly enough before doing them. However, how does one change a habit that one is accustomed to? Like for instance, I often do these antics that seem crazy and random, with the success of getting the 'look' from people and also unwanted remarks. Then I think to myself, why did I just do that or why the heck did I just say that (if it was words that I had spoken instead of actions) ? It is as though for a temporary moment, my soul had disembodied me leading to an act out of pure stupidity. I pray moments as such never stop but come much less. If they stop, I'd then appear completely robotic and somewhat freaky. An act to be avoided cause then more 'looks' would be attracted.
I feel the need to be in pursuit of romance again as I find that passion comes at most in times of love. The working environment doesn't help in assisting me to meet the right one. Everybody comes and go so formally that the norm is too thick to be cut. Besides being young at such a place only attracts the opposite of my intentions. I feel glad to be the only one (or so I think) being under twenty in the entire building. I even laugh at myself knowing that I am carrying values supposedly to be left at school. When I see these elderly people, I nod my head in respect and smile, and am only a thought away to saying "Good morning teacher." Coming back, love, I find it around people and so seldom in them. My love I mean, for everyone yes, but for a certain someone, no. Certain someone, do come fast please!
