A Bliss.

I'm happy but scared. A joy like water, held back by oily fear in this jar. I can't seem to have it all even though it feels like everything is mine already. I can't receive that last few dew dropping percentages before I receive a full hundred completion in being totally happy. So a question comes to mind on the existence of perfect happiness. Control is my goal. To see the outcome as to expectations, as expectations is merely the guide to the perfection of the plan. Hows and many whys had been asked repeatedly but to no availing answers. Where is this missing jigsaw piece? What is the cause of this emptiness. Could it be for a missing soul? The angel and her missing love loops in the calm air. I feel my tears have all dried up in the attempt of bringing the not-so-alive back. I still dare not use the more descriptive word. I will not move on. I simply will not because that life was all I had in hopes of the better future. I feel some anger quivering beneath my skin now. A break that would make it okay; to break so that a new better could be fixed. Simply because, everything ceases to live this existence. It's a reality made in fantasy which was never real in the first place. An empty wardrobe, a hope, a comb, a hungry fragrance, a tie, a coffin, a hole in the ground, in the universe, a fatherly shaped hole in the universe, a hole with a shape so rare and unique a replacement cannot be found, a longing. God, why?