What Seems To Be the Now.

Ha. Uh. Bring it. To, to, to, a truck full of load, wham, yeah! The rumbling of the world, echoing in my mind. Of past happenings, trying not to hold myself from the truth of me. Let this, be a clearing of paths, a new understanding of the actual difference between perspectives of expectations, and realities. How suddenly you wish to enclose yourself in a bubble, and let it carry you to your highest point, against the fact that you're sinking into the darkest depths of the well you made up. What's meant to help has taken you hostage to your very own being. It feels as if at this moment, everything has been said already. What's left are lies you constantly invent to help distract others from what they don't know, from what you don't want them to know. After all, why trust? Humanity had fallen, is falling, and in my lifetime, will do nothing but fall further. How the smallest flutter of a wing is believed to cause a hurricane on the other side of the planes, hence all actions to the cause and courses of life. Just close your eyes at any given chaos, the darkness may bring you the peace you so need. As to how the genie emerges in bellowing clouds of wonder smoke, so is your face to my mind. Is this how one becomes infatuated? It seems the more I touch my mind to put it in use, the tiniest stroke of thoughts leads back to you. I need a rinse of the blessings of joy, and more clarity.

Fall, and He Falls.

What have you that I don't... what have you that I need?
What have I that you see not? What have I that gives you great pleasure?
What have you that gets me wild, mad with desires?
What have the changing times, I only seek you?
What have me, what have you?

Bliss, The Mind.

A certain melancholy fills the air, and as we're the sponge of all emotions, I had the chance to tap into this field.

Tap, tap-tap, tap...

Who do you miss? Who do you love? Who do you think most of? To whom does the beat skips its rhythm?

"And so it is," sang, "the coldest water."

When one spirals down the path of love, the heart is exercised into further levels of the capability to feel.

We can think, but we can never understand fully.

Should the questions be answered though,

(A moment of endorphin release)

bliss is felt.

Wham, Comes The Tide.

The not believing.
The detach, the...
flight, escape, release, burst, exit, letting go, separation,
Fall of all good,
Swirl, deep down after a wave,
Sweeps all into death,
Withdrawal.

Beat down tracks to a cause,
Whack, understanding a punch,
Swam, against all tides,
Of destruction,
To begin anew.

Tremor beneath the skin,
Tremble of the body,
Shaking the soul,
Seeking an opening,
To recover.

The need to share, to allow others in. In what exactly? Into understanding of one's own. The necessity isn't there, yet life isn't necessary. Then to what extend?

This Time, Rant.

So in all honesty, with all the political fiascos happening back home, I have no intention to be a part of any of it. Go fight, yay you, but me, nah, I'm happy here, lazying around wasting what little money I've got trying to do what I please, and hoo-hah, trying to be, well, happy. A friend decided to check the balance in his account in front of me, and he, not bother hiding the figures had me seeing them, and I sure was envious after. We discussed a little on our finances after I bombarded him with questions of all sorts on i.e. methods, mindset, he uses/has to be able to accumulate such a sum in just two years. He is not the kind who sits at home, and eats crumbs, but we're talking of a guy who shops the brands in Europe, then goes back home to collect rent from two houses of which he owns, and does what I do in our free time, but yet, behold, that six figure amount. I mean, how? I once heard from a fifty something lady-colleague who in all her years probably had gathered some wisdom and maturity, said that some people are just not meant to do it all (buy houses, save large sums of money, strike balance etc.). I took it as a fact of life, only because I believe that that somebody could be me, and that it gives me great comfort in accepting defeat from my own mind. I have entered the working class at a young age, and one might think in all my years of serving the companies I worked, am working for, have me a little money aside but I don't. I am clueless to what I do with my money, not clueless to how I spend, but on how to save. I know I eat whatever I like, drink whenever I want, do whatever I please, and have been so please with myself, content to fulfilling all my needs yet deep down, more like way up in the area-of-influences of the mind, it feels wrong. People say I should start saving, be responsible like an adult, buy properties, have an education, take a wife, marry, and reproduce, but what if I say that this isn't what I want. It is frustrating growing up, makes me nauseous to know that I am not doing the things that I should be doing. Then there's that article I read that people in their twenties should not act irresponsibly because life, after all, is just lived once, and that one time should "mandate to the norms of social mentality and conduct", as I put it in my own words. I'm tired. I just want to live a simple life, possibly without the need to worry to save, without the worry to have the urge to buy properties, and without worry at all. God, help me.